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Archive for 04/15

So Sam has been talking to me about Tinder,
And apparently there are non-perverts around.

7/10 guys who speak to me are looking for a fuck,
The other three is asking for me to vote for their picture on Facebook.

Seriously, what is it about me?
I am rather chubby and have a friendly disposition
Is there something about me that oozes sexuality?

I mean sure, I have big boobs,
But which fat chick doesn't?
I don't dress sluttily; in fact I think I dress like a girl.
Like a girl TRYING to be 20.
I don't wear high heels or deep v dresses,
I don't have slutty makeup on and I don't have fab hair.
There is nothing WOMANLY about me.

So what is it about me that attracts guys who just wants to sleep with me?
I don't get it.

Oh wait, it's SIMPLY because I have a pussy isn't it?
Or it's because of my weight that they assume I would be an easy lay?
NOT A CHALLENGE??

Well I'll show you.

It's so annoying when a guy approaches you,
And you think hey maybe this guy finds me interesting.
We can be friends and have a good conversation over dinner.
Nah, he's not speaking to me to get in my pants.
Is he?
BOOM, HE IS.

And that's always the case with me.
Always.

THEN PATHETICALLY,
When a guy who HONESTLY finds me interesting comes along,
I would be so distrustful because of what I've been through,
And I put all these assumptions into my head,
And make the whole thing go sour.

I swear it's a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Omg, is that right?
I haven't had a long term relationship since LW,
And that's in 2012.
It's been three years.

And here I am, scarred but not broken.
Just very dull and in need of a little polishing.

Okay this is getting a little too depressing.
How to trust people without getting hurt?
I thought I could trust Jonathan and look what happened.
The one time in three years I let my defenses down,
I hurt so bad I was bordering depression and anxiety.
January to March was the worst months I've had in my life.
At least with my mom I could sleep it over and it would be fine.

Jonathan was occuring every morning for those past months,
I'm surprised I got through what I did.
Okay I was being a pussy about it and I'm all better now,
But it was still hard alright?

So sick and tired of being replaced so friggin fast.

  - Miss-Hanz.Blogspot.com -
Miss-Hanz™ is a registered blog. All Copyrights Reserved.©

So apparently I have more crap to say during my menstrual cycles.
Was just looking for songs that I had written but forgotten
Because I wanted to properly record them as a whole song before
I forget about them so I searched my blog with the term
"Songs".
Of course that wasn't a bright idea at all given that I would
Most probably have used that word in more than 18 posts.
So all of the posts just came pouring out.

Now, I came across this blog post of mine back in 2010.
And I said the same things Jon said.
That I have a clear sense of right and wrong,
And if I think saying the right things will hurt you,
Then it is a necessary pain that you have to go through
In order for you to learn.

Which is completely different to what I think now.
Because right is less important than illusions.
If illusions never hurt anybody,
Why bother with the truth?

Life is as difficult as it is,
Why live in Hard Mode.
We'll go though it as tutorial and if we get a second chance,
THEN we'll go expert aight?

So the point of this post is,
I was where Jon was when I was 19 and he is now 23
So there you go solid proof that females mature faster.

I miss him.
.
  - Miss-Hanz.Blogspot.com -
Miss-Hanz™ is a registered blog. All Copyrights Reserved.©

This is a song I wrote quite some time ago
While Kelsey was away.
I wrote this song while I was still living in Subang
And it's funny how certain songs bring back
How you felt exactly at that time.

I loved staying in Subang,
It opened up a lot of different experiences for me
And I have absolutely no regrets.

But here you go,
approved by Kelsey at last

I'm Alive

Can't fall asleep,
Can't stay awake from this bad dream,
I close my eyes cuz',
In dreams I make believe that,

I can fly
In my dreams I come alive
In my dreams I can deny what is life

Can't rest my heart
I'm broken apart inside
I scream and I plead
Somebody please tell me

That I can fly
I don't need to dream or die
To make me believe that I was alive

C Am G F G

Breathe into me ahh
You who made me wish I was alive

Can't fall asleep
Can't fill this void inside
I reach out for someone out there
Does anyone care that I am

Blank inside
I'm ready to breathe
I'm not dead inside I want to survive

I'm tired of bleeding, No, I am fine
or am I fine tonight?
.
  - Miss-Hanz.Blogspot.com -
Miss-Hanz™ is a registered blog. All Copyrights Reserved.©

I'm aware that meant I just took a dump,
But it does tie in to recent events!

Just returned the last thing.
Now I can close the book entirely.
Have fun and enjoy the single life.
So what if the guy who keeps asking me out seems pervy?
Let's enjoy some innocent flirting
BECAUSE it doesn't mean I HAVE TO sleep with him,
RIGHT?

RIGHT.
We're at a mall, he can't rape me.
Never invite yourself to his home,
And decline from having him come up your place.

I made do without sex for almost a year before Jon
And I can DAMN WELL do it for another.

Focus on doing EXCELLENT at work!
And maybe start being bullimic LOL.

Thanks blog.
I don't what I would do without you.
Thank god you can't speak back to me
Else I would feel like you're obligated too.

Btw, totally learnt how to start a car today.
And I know how to change a tyre.
I AM TOTALLY SUPER WOMAN.

Hahaha.
Happy :)

Oh and I changed the blog skin.
I don't think I would change anything anymore for the rest of my life.
Do you think I should totally get my own domain though?
LIKE FOR WHAT?

Portfolio?
Then I have to blog properly there.
SO annoying. LOL.

  - Miss-Hanz.Blogspot.com -
Miss-Hanz™ is a registered blog. All Copyrights Reserved.©