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Archive for 02/14

Sure there are things I would fix if I had the chance to.
But this is after the realisation that things will end the same.
Because I guess I would have got to spend more time with you.
All of you.

It's hard to erase a big part of my life completely.
It's like I'm trying to forget that I once had long hair.
But things don't change.
And as time goes by I realised that
You need friends that benefit you in some way.

I know, sounds horrible right?
Well think about it.
Good influence is a benefit right?

Sometimes it's all about perspectives.
Lately I have been living on the thought that
I should focus on myself more,
And make decisions based on my gratification,
Not solely because it's a noble and decent thing to do.
That hasn't helped me in anyway.
It's hard to shake off though.

Then again the other day someone said my approach is offensive.
Just because I said "Hi, are you lost?" to a lady that seemed confused.
She said, "Oh, no, no, no." smiled and left.

It's not unusual for me to ask
Because she would not be the first one to get confused in Jaya One.
It's structure really is hard to comprehend if you're here for the first time.

A friend of mine said I was socially inapt for asking that.
And I question why?
I was just being nice.
I guess it's how you gauge the world.

Like one time I tried giving candy canes to a kid during christmas in IPC
And the little tyke didn't take it until his mom said it's okay.
It's not rude of me to give the candy,
But the kid is aware of the potential danger that can arise from that.

My point is, it's great to be aware of dangers,
But give people the benefit of doubt sometimes.
Not everybody live by the same rules of social conduct,
And the key here is to understand that everyone can be and is different.

It will be a sad moment in life when everybody doubts everyone.
I still believe that not everyone out there is trying to get you,
That there are still nice people out there,
And that they are trying to make life better for everyone in their own way,
And we shouldn't stop being nice just because we do it differently.

Okay my point was should I have ignored the lady?
Okay maybe the obvious solution is to rephrase my question
But really I don't see how it could be offensive!
I asked her if she is lost I didn't ask her to get lost!

Back to assignments.
Missing you kels.
I'm afraid of working in Australia.
But I do not intend to live so far away from you
Throughout my adult life.

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No. No way. Nuh uh.

I don't care whether it's Penang or US.
As long as you are two hours away from me forget it.
I'm not being high and mighty but why make it harder?

Okay, what if we got together and he had to go away?
I think I can only do for like six months.
I mean, it's not even just not trusting you.
I wouldn't trust myself. LOL.

Don't be afraid to ask. Don't be afraid to get what you want.
Don't focus so much on being the most understanding person in the world.
Have some character.
I'm not saying be selfish, but accept that you shouldn't compromise
What your preferences are just to seem "noble".
At the end of the day you should be happy.
Your partner should be happy.
But have boundaries.
Protect yourself.
And compromise.

There is a compromise in everything.
But compromise for the right reasons.
Don't do it because you wanna be like in the movies.
Getting all romantic and shit.
Get real.

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Miss-Hanz™ is a registered blog. All Copyrights Reserved.©

While reading my past posts about a certain douchebag
I just wanted to kill myself.
Why am I so gullible?
Eating up anything that sounds great.

In love?
Oh God.
If only I knew how that story turn out to be.
I would kick myself so hard.
How could I ignore the signs?
Male kelsey.
Pffft what an insult to the gender and my BFF.

It feels like I need to find a new place to hide.
But like all things,
Eventually the hype will die down.
And this will be my sanctuary again sooner that I care to admit.

I know what it means.
I never deluded myself with you like I did with douchebag.
Never did once.
So I appreciate the honesty.
And the cover up.
But I know the truth.
Come July, you'll see.

I hate having to explain myself.
To defend myself.

That's why I prefer a machine.
Not because I can't handle emotions,
But because the host to these emotions
Have a set of values I do not meet.
And I do not care to meet them.
Does that prove me handicapped
Or just me having a different outlooks in life?

It's not that hard to accept.

We can't all be that same person.

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Miss-Hanz™ is a registered blog. All Copyrights Reserved.©

I have been having disturbing thoughts lately.
I won't say I'm a suicidal person,
But as I am monotonously doing shit
I just wonder what will I lose if I died today.

Nothing much really.
The world won't lose anything.
One extra parking space for you in the morning in fact.
My mom would have to make do with my bro and sis.
And kelsey and family would probably miss me.

I think about how easy it was to die when I cross the road.
Should I just step out while this car is coming?
I don't want to die per se.
If I'm really honest I'm just curious.
Or rather amazed at how fragile life is.
So easy to take away.
In so many situations.
Nobody would be there to stop me.

Then I came to a conclusion.
I LITERALLY rather DIE than do my assignments.

fucking lazy laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.
Sekian everyone.
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Miss-Hanz™ is a registered blog. All Copyrights Reserved.©