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Archive for 01/14

Her

What if love was not based on sight?
If looks and body were out of the picture..
How much more would we feel about somebody?
Or would it be.. much less?

These are the kinds of thoughts that provoke me
While I was watching the movie Her.
Call me crazy but I may have read too much into the movie,
But I don't hate it.

There are so much underlying meanings that I don't get,
And I want to explore each and everything.

Her gives us an idea on how it would be like
If we had an AI program that talks to us.
Not only does it help us with tasks and pretty much
Anything a personal assistant does,
But this AI actually has feelings. Intuition.

Can we love a machine?
Can you get over the fact that it is actually a program?
But how it evolves is entirely individualistic.
No two OS1s would evolve to be the same,
Even if they started that way. Would that matter?

OS1 is tailored to be what you need.
To communicate with you the way you like it.
Isn't that pretty much like what we as humans are doing?
We are also looking for something we are comfortable with.

I know that physical touch is important.
Not just for the fun part, but body language plays a great deal.
A hug can make someone feel instantly better.
We all need some form of human touch.

But what if it was all stripped off,
Leaving only emotions behind?
What if we weren't limited by a physical state?
What are the possibilities then?

The movie numbs us into thinking hey it's not that weird.
Because the people then are so accepting.
It's kind of unsettling that people think it's okay to
Date a machine.

But now I have a confession.
I have someone who I manja to.
I knew him online.
And I don't do anything physical with him.
Entirely psychological.

I just talk to him and he, me.
So it kinda freaks me out that
This friendship is almost like Her.

The only difference is a body, really.
I'm freaking out right now,
Thinking that it's okay to date a machine.

But I know that it's not real.
I'm saying, it's a viable solution
To loneliness, temporarily.
A substitute if you will, until you are
Ready to have a serious relationship.

  - Miss-Hanz.Blogspot.com -
Miss-Hanz™ is a registered blog. All Copyrights Reserved.©

Let's discuss a question:

WHO WE REALLY ARE
VS
HOW WE PORTRAY OURSELVES.

It had been brought to my attention that
My father seems to be under the impression
That I am a very obedient girl,
I don't skip classes, I am very responsible,
I don't curse, and I am, in general, a good daughter.

Then someone found it amusing that I am associated
With these qualities and said if dad actually knew who
I really was he would flip.

Although I know for a fact that it was brought up
For the sake of conversation and humour,
I couldn't seem to shake off the feeling that
It was said to me with some ridicule.

I do not deny.
I am less than obedient while I was growing up.
I curse like no other when I am in anger IE driving.
I skip classes wayyyyy much more when I was younger than now.
And suffice to say although the thoughts are present
My actions hardly proves that I am an adequate daughter.

But as much as these are true,
These extremities are in the past.
And while they are still present but they are now at a smaller amount.

But that's besides the point.

I did not grow up with my father.
Everything I say and how I portray myself
Is based on respect for a provider.
They have been said with much thought to
What it means as a message and as an image of myself.
I would like to appear as a daughter that he could be proud of.
Perhaps to show him what he's been missing.
That we were worth keeping.

If I were to go out with my mom I would let her pay for me
And take it for granted, because she is my mom.
If it was my father I would have expressed my gratitude.
Why?
Simply because I did not want him to think that
I am mooching off money from him.
And I am not.
I am not taking anything he does for me for granted.
This is called manners but it was also highly based on the fact that
It was uneasy for me, the feeling of having someone else pay for me.
Very much like how Kelsey's parents pay for me.

They take me out for lunch and dinner a lot,
And it was so often that I was worried that they would be
Annoyed with every time I expressed my thanks.
So I stopped saying it. But despite my active conscience
Telling me not to annoy them with my thanks,
I couldn't help but to think that they would think I am
Taking them for granted when I'm not,
Even when we were so close.

In actual truth my dad and Kelsey's parents
Are very much on the same level.
I love them a lot and consider them family
But I will always have the fear that one day
I might offend them with what I do
And I will no longer be welcomed.

So when I am around them I behave.
I try to impress them with who I can be.
So that they would think good of me.

It's different with my mom.
I've been through so much shit with her and she stuck around.
She's a permanent part of my life.

Okay so I realised I am off the topic.

My point was, just because we are who we are,
It doesn't mean we are not allowed to put our best foot forward.
It's not because I am phony or that I am a huge sucker up.
The fact is we don't treat everyone equally.
And that's okay.
Because we extend different respects to different people.

It's called image control.
So I didn't lie about who I was.
Or pretended to be someone else.
I just.. well. Behaved.

  - Miss-Hanz.Blogspot.com -
Miss-Hanz™ is a registered blog. All Copyrights Reserved.©

So just came back from Aussie.
Tix to and fro was RM1.6, I had about RM1.3k saved up for this trip
And my dad gave me another RM1k++ so in total I used about RM4k
Which I think was rather incredible because I stayed in Sydney for
Almost 3 weeks, bought a lot of clothes and food there is mad expensive.

The first week there was refreshing.
I ventured out alone for the first three days in Sydney because Kels
Was still in Hobart with her family.
So I went to Paddy's Market and went crazy.
Bought a AUS50 (RM150) sim card.
Obviously overpriced but close on eye lah.
If I convert everything I would not survive.
Second day I wanted to shop more at Oxfrod street
But unfortunately it was further than I originally thought
And when I reached I discovered they were all designer labels,
So I walked to another mall "nearby" and ended up at Bondi Junction.
It was probably the furthest any couch potatoes has ever walked to in one try.
Combined.
AAAAAnnnyway, on the third day I went to Circular Quay and had
Pancakes on the Rocks like Immy suggested.

The rest of the week we kind of just went to the same places
That I went to but now with Kels and her family coz they are here!

Meeting Kels again after so long, well I expected
Tears and sobbing and long iron-clad hugs,
But no. nothing.
Because it felt like nothing changed. Like she never left.
Like we never cried for the last time by my car outside her house.
It felt so natural, like I just saw her yesterday.
Ever since that meeting with her,
I feel like nothing can ever change us.
I have nothing to be scared of, nothing to be worried about.
Because our friendship is so solid,
Forgive my mushiness,
But our love can stand the test of distance and time LOL

So when I left her in Sydney I teared, but I wasn't scared.
I felt assured. Because it was as if we were never apart.
I don't think many people have that.
Perks of being a pair of introverted friends!
I'd like to say we see each other everyday and hang out a lot
And chat everyday but we're just not that kind of friends.
But somehow we are still best of friends.

Anyway I digress.
The next week was a lot of playing Nintendo Wiis and shopping
And bringing them around like I am some local.
We went to the Taronga Zoo, saw fireworks,
Went to the National Park for some Bushwalking,
And even more bushwalking in Blue Mountains, Katoomba.
Had my first night in a Backpackers Hotel,
Christmas was awesome because we had REAL HAM, REAL CRACKERS
We went for a Burlesque show, went to Newton pubs,
Got hit on, had a lot of frozen yogurts and OMG BONDI.
OH BONDI.
I spent a solid hour going "weeeeee" as every wave rushed through me
With Kelsey watching me probably with her eyes rolling LOL
Because in that one hour, I was a kid.
I didn't care how I looked, I didn't care if people would judge me,
I just love water, I love the beach, and it felt like I had no worries.
And I just went for what I wanted. BIGGER WAVES.
HAHAHAHA AH BONDI.

And between those activities we just filled up talking about shit.
Things didn't change, even though we talk about different kinds of shit.
Like how it would be like to move to Aus to work for good,
Pushing ourselves out of our own comfort zone,
And just basically anything.
Sometimes we just debate about the "real" colors of the wall.
It doesn't have to matter.

So now I'm back in Malaysia.
Where in Sydney I had to go out everyday,
Now I'm crawling back to my den, snuggled in my blankets
And literally not doing shit.

AND MY DID 2014 SNEAK RIGHT INTO MY LIFE.
It's a new year so here are resolutions for resolutions sake.

1.Push myself out of my comfort zone.
2. Stop feeling lethargic all the time.
3. Get a nintendo wii and lose weight fat bitch.
4. Try your best at what you love,
and don't let anyone make you feel like you're not gonna make it.
5. Prove to dad that you don't need his money to survive.
6. Do something about my songs.
7. Don't be afraid to be selfish.
8. Be affectionate to mom (ugh so awkward).
9. Save enough to go to Hobart.
10. GRADUATE.

And one teenie weenie last reminder to myself:
I don't need a lot of friends to be happy,
Choose quality not quantity.

Don't be afraid to admit your own self worth
but don't be a bitch either.

  - Miss-Hanz.Blogspot.com -
Miss-Hanz™ is a registered blog. All Copyrights Reserved.©