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Archive for 11/13

If you never had constant friends in your life
Then maybe you're the reason why.

Shouldn't that only be logical?
If you're awesome why would anyone leave you?
Betray you?

There's a thin line between not letting someone into your life,
And someone not letting you into their lives.

Give people the benefit of doubt.
If you can't handle them at their worst,
You sure as hell don't deserve them at their best.

If people talk behind your back,
Why would the first thing be betrayal?

"Did you know Sean stole something?"
"SNITCH!"

Please get to the root of the problem and grow the fuck up.
Accept that MAYBE you might have flaw
And try to correct the fuck out of it.

There's such a thing called social retardation
And it does not only limit to people who has no confidence,
It also applies to people who has a false sense of confidence in themselves.

So don't be some self-entitled asshole.
And don't try to defend yourself.
You've lived out your entire life,
And every single person betrayed you?
Get real.

It's like the world's gone mad
And common sense and logic is such a rare thing to expect
From people nowadays.

WTF world.
You are fucked up.

  - Miss-Hanz.Blogspot.com -
Miss-Hanz™ is a registered blog. All Copyrights Reserved.©

So.. I noticed I have picked up blogging again.
It's easier to tell shit to a simple machine
Than to say something to someone else
And have them judge you.

Sometimes you just want a listening ear,
And honest "for your own good" opinions aren't always welcomed.
Because now that we are older everyone has developed their own ways
of solving things... and everyone has their own reasons.
What you can do is advice them
Without letting them feel like what they are doing is wrong.
It's just easier for people to accept it that way.
No one likes being told they are doing wrong.
That's just the way it is.

I wish people would pick up this habit.
Of blogging I mean.
In a way, I can see how I progress from various shit episodes,
People close to me can keep up with me whenever they have the time,
And it's a real stress reliever PLUS
It really put things in perspective when you write down what
You've done or how you've feel and reading them over again.
You see everything from a third person's point of view,
And you may surprise yourself.

Like how I know I am contradicting myself all the time.
Nice girl.. then hurt.. then try again.. then no more nice girl..
It goes on and on like a never ending cycle. LOL.

But hey, this is just one way to relieve stress.
How about people who has no idea?
Because apparently there are.

And how about people who are so deluded and self centered?
As if the entire world is revolved around them?
Kinda angers me that we fuel this person's ego
Because honestly he isn't so great on hindsight seeing his
Attitude as of late. Ugh.

We have to realize no matter how we feel the world
Still spins. If you don't move you'll only get left behind.
- Miss-Hanz.Blogspot.com -
Miss-Hanz™ is a registered blog. All Copyrights Reserved.©

.The other day I fatt pei hei at Wira.
I knew I shouldn't have, what more at a public space,
But he was getting on my nerves even after I warned him
That it wasn't a great week for me.

I was actually just merajukking expecting him to
Show a little concern la to be honest.
He pinches me all the time anyway...
But he didn't.
He just ignore me and went back to his laptop.
So.. I walked away and play my ipad lor.
Just chill la, you know.
We never keep grudges and we always just
Give each other space to cool down.
Eventually we just talk it out and it will be fine.
No biggie.

But the least expected happened.

He posted some shit on facebook about being on the brink.
I'm pretty sure it was about me,
If not, I brought it along.
No point asking him because he would deny it.
Probably blaming it on Chong.

So okay. I quiet.
I thought we were better than that.
I expected our friendship to be beyond a stupid
facebook bitching post.

Guess not.

I never felt least respected by this person
Who always seem to prize our "8 year" friendship.
I mean, what were you thinking posting that shit up?
Knowing I would see it?
Were you expecting me to confront you about it,
Knowing you can't deny it?
Why would you want to make things worse?

So fine.
I didn't want to make things worse.
He always told me to stand up for myself,
I hope now that he realize it's because of that very reason that
I refuse to confront that we are still friends/

I apologized, although I knew he was pissed.
I was pissed, but it just wasn't worth it.
Call me a coward,
What's the use of confrontation if it means I would
Lose a friend?

Friend.
Another thing you give me shit about.
Why I keep them as friends when they give me shit.
....
Digest at your own pace.

On a different note,
Today I exercised for 5 minutes
And proceeded to barf out my dinner.

10 points to Griffindor!

Can't wait for some well deserved time with kels.

- Miss-Hanz.Blogspot.com -
Miss-Hanz™ is a registered blog. All Copyrights Reserved.©

It was officially 1 year, three days ago.
My day passed as normal.
Thinking back, you really were an a-hole.

Everything is so temporary.
How can I truly love someone,
If I know they will be gone someday?

Will everything be half-hearted?
I was always the type of person that
If I don't see you as a long term friend,
I wouldn't invest in you at all.

So after this clarity..
What do I do now?

  - Miss-Hanz.Blogspot.com -

Miss-Hanz™ is a registered blog. All Copyrights Reserved.©

Yes, no, maybe.
Banging my head at every corner,
Throwing my heart out to fish for the one
Who will take the bait and come undone
At the discovery of who I am,
Shrouded by who I was
Pretending to be who I'm not,
To get the person who I don't need
To hide the pain of what I want.

Some say they don't care,
But they don't know they don't know
That what we're hiding behind the facade
Is who were are, damaged we fade
Into the reality, as ugly they may be
But reality reality,
Is there more to reality?

Who dares to dream?
How deluded, because it seems
We pay for social acceptance
At the cost of our pain
Without realizing how feeble it is, this temporary gain.

Out out, with old dreams,
Because here comes to real reality.

Happiness is but for awhile.

  - Miss-Hanz.Blogspot.com -
Miss-Hanz™ is a registered blog. All Copyrights Reserved.©

You are who you are presently.
Do not let who you were define you.
What's in the past will stay in the past
Unless you let it haunt you.

Grow from it, learn from it.
Don't dwell on it.

If you dwell on it,
You are nothing but a weak, self-pitying person
Who handicaps yourself by justifying
What you are doing/not doing with your past.

I understand the pain,
I understand the suffering.
But everybody goes through different degrees of pain,
And no one can say that their pain was worse.
A baby who lost a mother and a king who lost a war;
It's not about the magnitude, it's all personal.
No one gets to say who got it worse.

So let it go.
Stop pitying yourself.
I can sympathize for the first few times,
But eventually all it boils down to is you whining...

It doesn't make it seem like you are strong at all.
At all.

You are better than this.
You can be.
All you have to do is try.

  - Miss-Hanz.Blogspot.com -
Miss-Hanz™ is a registered blog. All Copyrights Reserved.©

Good friends are hard to find.
You are not one of them.
You are self-entitled, self-centered and bossy.
You never do nice things for other people unless it benefits you.

That's who you are.

You on the other hand I am not sure.
Should I even consider myself your friend?
Because you haven't shown that you care for me.

Why are people in this world so selfish?
Why can't we all just be friends because it's nice to have friends?
Why does everything have to have an agenda?

I know the world was cruel to you,
But being cruel back only makes you a cold person.
Don't push out people who try.

Why do I try?
Because everyone deserves a me.
LOL.
Please ah, I am weird but I am a good friend.
Just don't overuse me until I regret being nice to you.

I accept your flaws because you accepted mine.
If you don't, I can only go so far with you.
My patience isn't what it used to be.
My tolerance for bull has gone way down...

I used to think I can't afford to lose my friends,
Nowadays I realize I have a guitar, my voice, and my books.

So screw you guys, I'm out.
If you don't appreciate me,
I won't get out of my way to be less than nice to you,
But don't expect me to do nice things for you either.

Fair trade, no?

  - Miss-Hanz.Blogspot.com -
Miss-Hanz™ is a registered blog. All Copyrights Reserved.©

Not sure what that means.
Looking back at my past posts I'm like oh my god why.
Kinda proves to myself how I rush into things,
Just so I could feel loved.

It kept me depressed for a while back then,
And now I am just fine, if not annoyed at times.
I no longer long for you in that sense,
It has been that way since Bali I think.
Maybe Bali is a trip of clarity for me,
When really all I needed was some time away from you,
To take a step back to look at the whole picture.

The more I hang out with you the more I learn to love you,
More as a friend, but much lesser as a potential boyfriend.
There isn't anything you are doing wrong,
But there are now things that I see is not temporary.
And you're not one to change, much like I am.
Perhaps we are too alike then, that now the idea turns me off.

Things has been different anyway.
I don't want to come between you.
It still stings sometimes, but that's about it.
I no longer pursue it.
I wish I could say I am over it.
But rather I think I have just accepted it.
The blow is more to how I'm not worth it more than anything else.

I guess to be honest you were my fix to certain aspects.
I need someone to manja to, and you were there.
It didnt matter to me what other people think,
But now that I think about it perhaps
I have been quite a bitch to her
For manja-ing you.

SHALL STOP

****

How can people who has everything going on for them
Feel this way though?
You have the looks, the fame, the talent...
Why so depressed?

I guess loneliness is not only exclusive to fat and
Inappropriate individuals such as myself.
But don't la think like I such a loner.
It's just different bring surrounded by friends,
And being with someone you know belongs to you no matter what.

Which kinda broke my bubble.
Being slim and pretty is not going to make me feel happy
About myself.
And I was like maybe I'm not satisfied because I'm fat?
Well, fuck me.

The security, the stability, the constant.
I know how that feels. I knew it.
It makes me sad to see people go through it.
I wanna reach out but super inappropriate la coz I just know you.

And I never was that lovey dovey anyway.
Sometimes I wish I was kelsey or rachel,
They seem like they know what to do under these circumstances.
How do they get so sure of themselves?
I always question everything I hear and everything I think.
Why why why maybe maybe maybe.

also kinda creepy that I am blogging about this anyway wtf.
I should go to bed.

I just hope you feel better.
Because you're much better than this.
You just need to try and allow yourself that chance.
Dare to hope, dare to confide in yourself.

Sometimes I feel so sad but also SO ANNOYED that guys are so emo.
I mean, if you always like this I also will ughhhhhhhhhhhhh.
But cheer up la, I really do care.
T.T

  - Miss-Hanz.Blogspot.com -
Miss-Hanz™ is a registered blog. All Copyrights Reserved.©

Beauty is a very subjective thing.
I have people who go from"Why her" to "High five!" about me.
Okay the latter did not happen but I would like to hope so.
HAHAHA SAD.

But isn't it funny to have people think they are better than you
Just because they are prettier?
I mean, who is to decide who is better in life based on what?
Some people measure their success by their physique,
Some by health, some by accomplishments.
It's really up to YOU to decide what really matters.
If someone decides to not be with you because you're not pretty
Or slim enough, that's their prerogative, and frankly
You wouldn't want to be with such a shallow jerk anyway.
(But that's MY prerogative :D).
But of course, it's only too obvious that I am sour because
That has happened to me before, lol.

If I would dare to admit it,
Yes, of course we wouldn't naturally choose someone less attractive.
But once you get to know a person, things change.
Take this guy I know for instance.
He's not particularly handsome, he finds me weird at most times
But he accepts me for who I am even if he doesn't agree.
We disagree about most shit but if it wasn't for some other
Factors that has got NOTHING to do with his face or body,
I would have just let it all out and we would be together.

And then there is this guy whom I think is just ADORABLE,
But I find most good looking people too full of themselves.
They are usually bloody self-entitled and thinks that any girl
That starts talking to him is due to their attraction to his "beauty".
He's got a good body and he is ambitious and a leader.
But his attitude and personality sucks balls.
For a person who tries to swallow everything in and rather take a wider
Look at the big picture, even I couldn't stand him.
In the end I just broke off whatever it is we were
(We weren't together but we were sort of dating)
And gave him a piece of my mind.
Then he says shit like my insecurity will by my demise
Bla bla bla and never talked to me again since.
Jerk.

So yes, life is but a pain.
Life of course it not all just about romance,
But alas I am to decide what am I looking for in a man.
I'd like to be realistic and just look for a man that can take care of me,
Because I am not the type to suffer for love.
Maybe I haven't met anyone who would make me want to,
But I just think that suffering together or WORSE taking care of him
Is just impractical and exhausting.
Not to say of course that those feelings are totally denied to me,
But I should only be so lucky to meet a man I love that much.

So the next best thing is to find a man that can take care of himself,
Has goals no matter how little,
Wants to improve their way of living,
And hopefully someone with a wicked sense of humour
Because I SIMPLY CAN'T HELP IT.
INSULTING PEOPLE IS MY SENSE OF ENTERTAINMENT.
If I am trying to get your attention then I WILL insult you,
I don't quite know how to put it in a right sentence but seriously,
My mean jokes are funny simply BECAUSE they are mean.
I don't mean anything by it.
Does that make sense?
I know I know it doesn't make it right,
But it's how I gauge my closeness to you.
If you are offended then you don't know me well enough,
If you are close to me then you'll shoot me back with something
FAR WORSE. And I will show you my hurt face,
BUT THAT IS ALSO PART OF THE GAME GET IT?
Sigh.

That's my ideal friendship right there.
Funnily enough I have never been to that stage with Kelsey
Because I think I revere her too much.
Also there isn't anything to insult.


Also, I seem to attract chinese ed guys more.
I love them because they are mostly sensitive and sweet,
But I also despise them because they are too sensitive and sweet.
It's a love/hate thing. MERDE.

Hanging out with a different group lately.
Won't say I don't miss the old gang but change is inevitable right?
Plus I go out more now, have a semblance of what I call social life,
And my mom disagrees but I am more confident about myself now.
Like if people find me weird I'm like YES BASK IN MY ODDITY
Instead of oh no say something normal.
Be myself right?

Hahahaha I am so sleepy.
Heading off to Wira later, kat SS15.
Unexpected nest of ours for the past week.
I've got nothing to do but sing there which isn't so bad
If I weren't beginning to get sick of the place.
Not that the people and the place there isn't awesome,
But I am so bored because I can't paint well and won't put myself thru
That kind of humiliation again especially when I call myself
A "designer" and I suck so bad.
I should just stick to what I know.
Eating.

Wow haven't blogged like this in a while.
If you guys read this post all the way thru I applaud you.
Text me to claim a free dinner.
I got my new car and it is so god damn fuel efficient
I am driving with glee everytime I zip up the freeway.

Oh ya did I mention I finally got my new car?
Well, really it's my stepmom's old car but it's only a year old.
It's a Vios.
Couldn't ask for more,
Except I got a C this term so..
Sorry dad.

You make me fear having feelings,
Because I still cannot tell between love and lust.
I don't want to be another girl that just seems to like you
For your looks, but if I dare to allow myself for once?
SWOOOOOOOOOOON.

  - Miss-Hanz.Blogspot.com -
Miss-Hanz™ is a registered blog. All Copyrights Reserved.©

Ola Amigos.
Started subconsciously speaking with a hint of British accent thanks to
Game of Thrones. Need to get a new series. Recommendations?

New semester. Results coming out in a few days.
Hopeeeeeeeeeefully I don't get another C.
Second Class honours are all I'm asking for lololol.

So the thing is,
I thought we were good but apparently not because somebody
Doesn't even have the tendency to call back or text back.
Fine, up to you. Don't say I didn't try.
It's not like I haven't given you time to heal.
I just wanna be friends.

Some friend, the lot of you.
Don't expect me to wait on hand and foot for any of you anymore.
At this point I rather save my petrol money and time on someone else.
You all busy your life okay?
Any of you even have any idea what's going in my life now?
So there. This is the end of an era.
It was great while it lasted, I hope karma kicks you on the way out.

On a happier note, going to Aussie in approximate 38 days.
Kinda excited but nervous at the same time thanks to the movie Taken,
Coz I will be travelling alone. Yep. Brave ol me.

Haven't been playing the guitar for ages because I've been growing out my nails.
Its the longest it has ever been.
I know this is sad but I feel such a strong sense of accomplishment
HAHAHAHA.

Hoping to write another song soon.
Ilham come to meeeeeeeeee.

Over and out peeps.
Stay cool.
Except you you sons of bitches.
(Pardon my french)

  - Miss-Hanz.Blogspot.com -
Miss-Hanz™ is a registered blog. All Copyrights Reserved.©