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Archive for 08/13

You pull me under once again
I don't know what I am doing sticking round the likes of you

You make me wonder once again
What it would feel like to touch behind the glass that is you

Breathe in to me, Breathe in the life into me
Breathe into me the one who's pressed against the wall

Fall into me, Fall in the mess that is me
Fall in and make a home out of this hell im living

You make my heart beat once again
Although right now it beats out of time left alone by you

You make me cry, You make me cry just a little bit
When my love can't break the barrier of life that hurt you

You'd hurt me but yet it pulls me closer
I stay away but yet I falter
Who are you to make me feel this way
Who are you to make me feel at all
Who are you?

Em D C Am
6th Fret, Standard Tuning

  - Miss-Hanz.Blogspot.com -
Miss-Hanz™ is a registered blog. All Copyrights Reserved.©

It's not just about sex this time. I can feel it. 
We can really talk. Well, sort of. 
Not like kelsey, but close enough. 
Closer than anyone has ever been before at least.

The paragraph above me is taken from my last post.
Just try to digest what it means. And reflect.
If I were to make a decision,
You would be the first to go.

Kelsey is perfect.
Do I love her because she is bias? No.
I love her because she loves me so much she actually
Believes she is not being bias. Or if not,
She is taking care of my self esteem.
To this day she would not admit this.

She would never judge me.
I can tell her I just murdered someone
She would say you want help burying the body?
No questions asked. No stupid ones at least.

That's loyalty.
That's concern for my welfare.
That's friendship.

It's time like this I want to watch the world burn.
I don't need a moral police. I've got mommy for that.

Your concern..
Is it for who I am about to become,
Or why I am being like this?
Just think about it.
If your answer is the former,
I will not hesitate to say good bye.

  - Miss-Hanz.Blogspot.com -
Miss-Hanz™ is a registered blog. All Copyrights Reserved.©

I'd very much like to believe your story.
But realistically if I told anyone about us
You would be labelled an asshole straight from the bat.

As much as you love me you have a girlfriend.
So the only decision I have to make is stay away.
Do not indulge.

Is there really a but?
I am desperate to hear one but I know it's just an excuse.
Perhaps I could use the opportunity these few days
To keep a distance and try to forget the feeling of yearning.

I have never really gotten to know you when I was younger.
And to discover a male Kelsey, well
I know it's a funny label but trust me, that's huge.
It would be hard to let you go.

But I must, so I will.
Don't bother asking if it is what I want,
Because reality doesn't work that way.

I just hope you don't call me,
Because what we have is so natural,
We don't have to try hard to flow,
To enjoy each other;s company.

It's hard to try not to enjoy.
In some ways I wish I could be who I was back then.
Then I could easily shut you out,
And I wouldn't feel anything because of the wall I built back then.
And you would feel dejected and just forget about me.

Strangely enough why is it different this time though?
I mean it's not the first time you stroke up a conversation with me,
So why this time?

Simply because we met up?
Are our "love" (lolcorny) really that strong?
That all it took was a tiny moment to just be with each other
To want each other this way?

It's not just about sex this time.
I can feel it.
We can really talk.
Well, sort of.
Not like kelsey, but close enough.
Closer than anyone has ever been before at least.

WHY U HV TO BE LIKE THIS
I HATE YOU LAH.

I don't know how to stop these feelings without
Not stopping to talk to him at all.
Dilemmaaaaaaaa.

  - Miss-Hanz.Blogspot.com -
Miss-Hanz™ is a registered blog. All Copyrights Reserved.©

At night I hear you calling me from the head of my bed
As my eyes shut close and my brain begins to speak
Through the many tears I shed but now on hindsight
These waterfall tells me that I may need you

There are many nights I sleep just thinking of you
While I turn away to face all my fears
All the choices that I made just thinking of me
Now all I'm looking for is someone like you

Smile away as the crowds pass me by like I'm silver
The lights they shine on me but will they ever let me go
If one day I find you oh love me forever love me so
Then I'll know I'm gold

Loving for the sake of love I'm being so cruel
For being blind till my brain begins to shriek
My heart needs someone that would prove how much he loves me
Not with words that has no meaning and no direction

Somedays I wish you were made to be someone I do
Think that I could live with too
But all the choices that you made not thinking of anything
You're breaking me breaking me down

Smile away as the crowds pass me by like I'm silver
The lights they shine on me but will they ever let me go
If one day I find you oh love me forever love me so
Then I'll know I'm gold.

C Am Em G

F G C G Am Em

- Miss-Hanz.Blogspot.com -
Miss-Hanz™ is a registered blog. All Copyrights Reserved.©

Why are you so silly?
She is almost like me.
She is almost like me but prettier and slimmer.
Who the fuck downgrades for the same function?

Except you're not downgrading.
Except you're having two.

It's like having two different dreams but only one reality.
I want to be a singer/songwriter, that's a dream job.
I want to be a web designer, that's a job I am actually considering.

So why are we being so cruel to each other?
Is there a way we could stay away from each other
But still be friends?
Why hang hopes on a string you're not willing to let go?
I'm so close to it but it's not mine.
I'm being told to.. what exactly?
Wait?

So I have to be cruel.
Your words and your actions.
You can say anything but you haven't proven shit.
Because you can't and don't want to.
And I would never make you.
Because that would be the end of our friendship as we know it.
But to not ask for it is just killing me.

I don't want this.
You shouldn't be allowed to make me feel guilty
Whichever step I take.
Should I take care of my feelings.. or yours?
Hurt myself or hurt you?
If I hurt you I would be there to console you..
But you're not even asking for that are you?

Don't let this turn out to be another episode, please.
I'm so tired of the drama.
I just want the season to end.

  - Miss-Hanz.Blogspot.com -
Miss-Hanz™ is a registered blog. All Copyrights Reserved.©

Aiyah I say only lah.
Also dunno if I can keep it up.
I am so fucking confused.
So lost.
I don't know who I want to be.
Apparently I was a bad ass before this
But how come the memory doesn't come back
To the extent of thinking I could be anything remotely badass
Is insanely hilarious to me?

How is it that I am being re-evaluated over my actions
Over the few months rather than the Hanz that I have been for longer?

I kiss ass now to keep peace.
I admit it.
I say things to make people happy.
I say things that might not be true.
If it's less hassle for me, why not?

I developed this thinking that if being honest
Will bring me trouble, then why be honest?
What will it gain me?
Pride? Acceptance from friends that I stood up for myself?
Whilst making shit worse?

Maybe I am stubborn in that sense,
But I won't budge on this.

I refuse to be right for the sake of being right.
There is no purpose there except for self-satisfaction.

But then there is a difference between keeping peace
And having no backbone.
Ian says I need to grow a spine.
Sam says I am way too gullible.

Yes, they are both true.
Perhaps this year hasn't been a friend to me.
I question a lot about who I am and who I wanna be.
I went from standing up for my principles to why should I keep them
To remorse for following the norm of our corrupted society to
I've already done it who cares let's do it again to oh shyt why again.

Gullible, probably because I wanted to believe I was worth it.
Spineless because I was afraid of being lonely.
I know how to defend others, but somehow I lost the voice
To speak up for myself.

It's like I refused to help myself.
The temporary relief, happiness, pleasure.
To me it was better than none.

Somehow or rather I came to the conclusion that I want to be better.
I'm going back to being me.
I will be stubborn in what I believe in.
It doesn't matter if you have eaten more salt than me.
Isn't the child that finds bliss in books?
I am fine being me.

Sharing this with someone and it got me shot down.
Apparently I do not know what I want.
That because there is something I want,
But my heart doesn't agree.
It's not something that can be fixed with a formula.
Not everyone was made with the same capabilities.
No matter how hard you try at it.

And when I want someone to see this difference,
To have someone to say I'm proud you came to your senses.
To encourage me.
I find myself grasping for thin air.

Then you came along.
You make me breathe again.
But always at the wrong time.
You were pre-rejected.
And I am doing what I wouldn't want
Anyone to do with my boyfriend.

To know how many people were to scorn at me
Should I go with this makes me feel cornered.

I ask myself if this was true.
If I did like you,
Or did I simply just found a person to talk to.
If there was anyone else,
Would I still choose you?

But that question has no purpose,
Because situations present and future does not allow.
I would like to think I am above peer pressure,
But I'm not. Yet again I am reminded that I am spineless.

But I stand firm.
Perhaps I can justify myself,
And if you are at any degree a true friend at all,
You would stay with me, do not judge me,
And simply be my spine.
You should want to compliment who I am, who I am not.
Give this friendship a meaning.
A bond.
If not what difference are you than these monkeys I see everyday?

  - Miss-Hanz.Blogspot.com -
Miss-Hanz™ is a registered blog. All Copyrights Reserved.©