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Archive for 06/13

Get the pun? Ahaha.

Here's a reminder to commemorate my courage.
It's long over due but I don't think I would want to forget this moment.
At the age of 22 there are still many firsts for me.
Some I'm not so proud of, but this one in particular, very.

I met him and her for the first time together.
I'm pretty sure in my previous post I did not sound confident.
I regretted, wish I could take it back...
But I threw myself out there.
Trying to look normal, happy, like myself.

I sat through the dinner smoothly,
Even Sam said I look relaxed.
I am glad that my internal "struggle" did not surface.
In the middle of the dinner I grew tired of the front actually.
I saw how sweet they were and I started remembering that
In her place it was I who sat, almost half a year ago.

I started drifting off and I think I got quiet for a moment there.
But then I thought what's happened has happened.
If I was being honest to myself I would say this doesn't have to be the end.
I said before that maybe one day, we could be together again.
But I think only as friends. That would be great.

I think no matter what facade we put ourselves in,
The crack will never be mended.
Behind the scenes, we both are still.. egoistical.
Except he has the upper hand.
And that's not a bad thing.

He deserved it.


Ken said that I was lonely.
I replied that I could get some whenever I wanted.
He said (and I am paraphrasing here)
That having someone to love and having
Someone to sleep with you is different.

So it's true then.
As much as I like to play victim,
Who is using who?
You have your work,
And obviously you don't come on to me any more.
I'm the one who keeps thinking I am some friggin succubus.
Sheesh Hanz get a grip.

Succubus, me.

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Haha drama, but quoting Imagine Dragons there.
Anyway the smart-ass that is me suggested a meet-up
With the whole entourage with new gf(s) in hand.

What was I thinking you ask?
Well, It sorta looked like a good idea,
Like just rip the bandage off in one shot right?
So that was what it was.
Meeting her was the closing of the chapter.
The last page before I can entirely have closure.

I am actually happy that he found her,
But being human I worry that I would feel bitter
When I see them. I want to be able to smile and joke
And mean it.

One of my friend was like not ready don't suggest meet up lah!
I know what it seems like.
I assure you I do not intend to stir any shit up.
I just though if I force myself into the situation
I would get over it faster.
So yeah, I may require you to support me.
You didn't understand?
I understand, not everyone is a kelsey.

Back to college.
I have 5 subjects this semester as well,
Each one as boring as the last.
I got a 3.0 this sem and I hope I can maintain it.
Not asking for Dean's List or whatever.

I'm trying to not be so sensitive.
I'm learning from my sister.
We were watching a movie and she wouldn't stop commenting
On everything and I was honestly getting annoyed.
I didn't want to say anything but she seriously went on and on.
So I said "why you talk so much one lol" hoping she would take the hint.
She just laughed and said it's very nice mah this n that.
And I found it so admirable.
Because she doesn't take offense so easily, and it just made things
So god-damn easy.
So the next time someone says something not so nice
I should just accept it with humour and apologize.

Will be going to Bali the end of the year,
Followed by Melbourne.
Does anyone know if we need visa to fly to Aussie?

Kelsey I miss you.
It may seem selfish, because I don't need you,
But I want you here anyway.
You are my.. IPAD.
Funny analogy,
But you are a luxury item I can't afford but miraculously
Given to me for my birthday.
I am so god-damn lucky.

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Miss-Hanz™ is a registered blog. All Copyrights Reserved.©