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Archive for 01/13

Far too much shitty things happened this year.
For one, I myself have become a shitty person.
I lost my faith, my "SAVE MONEY" attitude, and my study streak.
I'm beginning to lose friends, and what's scary is
I DON'T GIVE A FUCK.
I mean I do worry, but I don't do anything about it.
My body and mind just shut down from thinking about other people.
I just wanna concentrate on myself (ala Ris Low).

I'm halfway done with my website, but I've been putting it off.
I actually have some interesting assignments and even those I put off.
I haven't wrote a song since.. Jordan. WHICH WAS TWO YEARS AGO.
I've been using the same wallpaper for the past year.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME.

Kelsey is leaving much too soon.
Zoe is off to college.
Can't help but feel I've lost an entire family when Kelsey leaves.
It's just awkward to go there when Kelz isn't there anymore isn't it?
So to whose place do I go to when I need space?
It was my only sanctuary.

On a happier note,
I've had the best presents for my 21st.
Granted, I did not have a fancy birthday party but I've got some
Of the most expensive things I've ever owned to date.
(Besides my beaten down car but hey, mai giam beh pai.)
Got to finally upgrade from the first ever Sony Ericsson speaker phone
W810i to an S3 from dad. Got an iPad HD from mommeh.
Okay right.

The other day some friend said that according to my "face reading",
I am someone who doesn't have a lot of opportunities in life,
And that once I have one I shouldn't let go.
I was thinking "Which idiot lets go of a great opportunity?"
Then I realize, me. Like I've seen tons of job vacancies for
Copywriting or designing. Alright, given that I have no experience,
YOU NEVER TRY YOU NEVER KNOW.

I really shouldn't put myself down like this.
If I don't trust in my own abilities, who will right?
Right.

2013 resolutions:
Assignments: FINISH THEM REGARDLESS OF SHIT
Weight: LOSE THEM REGARDLESS OF RICE
Talents: FOSTER THEM REGARDLESS OF SELF ESTEEM
People: LOVE THEM REGARDLESS
Bitch: DON'T BE ONE.


*****

I'm sorry if I have made 2012 a living hell for you.
I wish you well. I love you, but some things can't be forced.
It's supposed to be our anniversary today.
You are still a good friend. Not everybody can do it, and
I really admire you for that. It has been selfish of me
To force this friendship but I hope one day you can be that person
I can love and see myself living with for the rest of our lives.
For now, we are both not that person, and I'm a bitch
For not willing to compromise. I know that.
That's why you need to see that you deserve better.

2013,
please be good to me.

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