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Archive for 12/11

I forgot what was so wonderful about me.
I used to hate nobody.
I didn't have a reason to block anybody.
I don't even have the balls to be angry when I have the right to.

Now I'd eff up anyone who pisses me off.
And that is pretty often.
I don't want to blame this on anyone,
But there has to be something that influenced me to be this way.

I can make friends in a bat of an eye,
But now I forgot how to make friends,
Just because I didn't want to make the wrong friends.

I don't let anyone take advantage of me,
I don't want to do nice things for anybody,
I don't get involved in anything that's none of my business.

But I have forgotten to be the bigger person,
I have forgotten to be kind,
Forgotten to be compassionate.

It is a series of events that has happened that led me up to this.
It has to be some kind of defense mechanism that I'm pushing everyone out,
To the extent that when I realized who I have become,
I repulse myself.

I don't like who I am right now,
As I am sure many others don't as well.
I have taken revenge of a few to everyone else in my life.

I lost my outlets;
Singing, blogging, song writing.

What stopped?
Why have I simply stopped bothering?
And just live life waiting for the next day?

This is pointless.

I wanna be who I used to be.
I wanna be a better person.

But I'm not anymore.
To try is to feel like a phony.

Is this what they call an internal struggle?

I wouldn't want to be my friend.
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